I want to be a HOT Mom!

This week Ive started a whole new journey. Ive started a fitness program called P90X. I'm so excited to get healthy and fit... after years of neglecting my body with shitty food and being lazy.

Ive always been a bigger girl and since having kids, especially since the twins I feel SO disgusting with myself. Ive never been as overweight as I am right now, I don't like being naked, or anyone seeing me naked, Iam DREADING summer.. Tanks tops, and shorts  *cringe* . I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! Iam tired of feeling like this about myself and I feel like my weight has really affected my confidence to do anything. I think doing this program will help me gain the confidence I need to be a successful person and not be so scared to try new things. I always quit everything. I will not do that this time. I cant.

When I first stumbled across this program I wasn't sold right away. It seemed like it was made for people who were familiar with working out on a regular basis and who are not over weight. But the more I looked into it and read and watched success stories from women who started out just like me... I got SUPER excited and wanted it right then!! This program is INTENSE! And that might be an understatement. Its broken down into 6 workouts per week that are about an hour each for 90 days. It also has its very own nutrition plan.

I first tried to convince Aaron to do it with me, you know for the support we could do for each other, and it would me nice for us both to become fit and healthy together. But with his crazy work schedule he just wasn't interested in committing to anything else right now.  I ended up getting my sister interested in the program and she agreed to do it. So we now have each other for support. I think a big part in being successful is having someone who will motivate you and push you when you don't think you can do it.

Yesterday January 25th was Day 1 :

The first part of the workout was back and chest. It basically consists of alternating different forms of push ups and pull ups with weight training in between. Ive NEVER done a single 'real' push up or pull up EVER. So this was incredibly difficult. I did the entire workout with modifications and even that was very hard.

The second part was ab ripper X. And It was SO hard. My abs are pretty much mush since from the twin pregnancy and I have next to no ab strength. Im looking forward to improving this.

Im SO sore today!

Today January 26th Day 2:

Today was Plyometrics... HOLY CRAP Its CRAZYYYYY! I have never sweat so much in my life! Great workout. My legs feel like jello now.

Ive decided that next week I need to start working on in the mornings. Ive been doing them at night after I`ve put the twins to bed, Marleigh likes to bounce around with me while I'm doing the workout but i find she gets in the way or is ordering me around to get her a snack or a drink or whatever. I think working out in the morning would be nice without distraction, that way I could workout shower and eat breakfast before they are up.

I'm still getting used to the nutrition plan. Its very different and planned out which I'm not used to.

I'm normally really bad for eating 3 meals a day and drinking enough water. But so far I think Ive been doing good. I haven't cheated.. other then a small square of dark chocolate. I'm a chocolate junkie so this is good for me. lol

Ive decided I'm not going to revel my current weight or stats here. I'm going to keep it personal at this point.

Our Surprise of a Lifetime!!

Coming up this Wednesday is the day that changed our lives forever.

On November 30th 2010 we found out we were expecting TWINS!

I though this would be perfect occasion to talk about our journey to twinhood and beyond.

In late August 2010 we decided that we would start trying for another baby. Marleigh was 2 and a half and well on her way to becoming a very independent little girl. We always knew we wanted more then one child, and it was also important not to have a too big of an age gap. So it was time!

 I researched alot the months prior and decided that I wanted to have a home water birth with the next baby, it just seemed like the right thing to do. I would often day dream and plan how things would go in my head. *sigh*

 Marleigh was our 'Oopsie' baby - after months of being not so careful in the birth control department we got pregnant with her in July of '07. A blessing in so many ways .

We had never had to 'try' for a baby before. So we had no idea how long it was going to take. Neither of us expected to get pregnant the first month. I decided I would order some ovulation tests and give them a whirl and maybe it will help the whole process out. And it did.

After the first month of trying.. I was PREGNANT!

We found out on September 22nd 2011. I was 11 DPO and the positive was very faint -but there none the less. I decided to wait a few days and take another test. That one ended up being positive too as did the clear blue digital test. I started to get sooo excited and knew that this baby was going to be born in our home!

We were VERY excited. Marleigh was going to be a big sister!!!
The Estimated due date was June 4th 2011!!

The next few weeks came and went and I was SICK!!!! I was so incredibly nausaus all day and night. I blew up the airbed in the living room so I could lay on it all day and watch movies and play with Marleigh, but standing and moving around.. eating.. watching the food network.. everything made me dry heave.. and sometimes straight up heave!
I was sick every day... I remembered back to my pregnancy with Marleigh and my morning sickness wasn't at all THIS severe. I figured every pregnancy was different... or maybe its a boy!
I was sick up until 15 weeks. then it slowed down and eventually stopped.

We had chosen to be in the care of a midwife for the duration of the pregnancy and birth. During our first meeting together she asked me about my dates and I was 100% certain of everything but she insisted on sending me for an ultrasound just to take a peek and make sure of everything. I had no problem in that.. seeing our little bean for the first time!! HOW EXCITING!

So the day of the ultrasound was HERE! I was 13 weeks 3 days pregnant.. I was SOOO excited. I love ultrasounds! I kept asking Aaron.. ' ARE YOU EXCITED???' he would calmly respond ' not as excited as you'... MEN ugh! lol

So this is how I remember the appointment going... it all happened to fast, some of it is a complete blur.

We had one of the last available appointments of the day. Aaron and Marleigh and myself walked in the office and the waiting room was empty. The receptionist took my health card and my info and took us right on into the ultrasound room. The lights were dim.. and I remember thinking that I had never been in a ultrasound room this spacious before. It was nice!
I looked around to see a flat screen on the wall facing the exam table.. OMG I WAS SOOO EXCITED!! I WOULD GET TO SEE EVERYTHING!!!

So the ultrasound tech guy.. lubed up my belly and plopped the wand on there....

Me: Oh My God!
Tech: Oh Looks like there are two in there..
Me: WHAT!!! Oh my God! Oh my God! holy shit!! * SOBBING*
Aaron : I knew it!

The moment the wand touched my belly I could instantly see two little fetus' bouncing around. I knew instantly what I was seeing but suddenly felt like I was dreaming. I became scared, anxious, happy, sad, terrified, shocked all in a split second.  Everything started to spin...nothing would come out of my mouth other then 'Oh My God'.. I simply could not form any other words.
The Tech continued to scan and briefly checked the anatomy of the babies while I continued to bawl my eyes out, He told us they were fraternal, they were in their own sacks and had their own placentas... I could not believe what I was seeing.. twins... holy shit!

Aaron sat there smiling.. he didn't seem taken back, or shocked at all. He seemed over the moon happy!! He had mentioned at some point before the ultrasound ' maybe its twins'.... jerk is always right!

Once he was done.. I stumbled up from the bed, attempted to walk straight as I was shaking so bad from my nerves being all haywire. The tech printed a few pictures for us and explained to us that we would most likely be back every month now. And we left.

We got home and I put the pictures on the fridge and then tried to make dinner and kept saying over and over  'oh my god oh my god' In between tears and trying to make sense of it all with Aaron.. I came to realise my dream of a home birth was shattered - In Ontario I don't believe you are 'allowed' to birth twins at home in the care of a midwife... I could be wrong but regardless, it wasn't something I was comfortable with as the risks with multiple births go up.
And we also now had to come up with a plan to make everything work financially with 3 children....Oh boy!


Not what I was expecting when I woke up that morning....

I spent the next 3 days in shock.. mourning the home birth that would never be. And trying to come to grips with our impending family of 5...

Twins @ 13 weeks 3 days

to be continued..........

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins!! MMMMmm

A few days ago I decided to make some banana bread while my sister was visiting. Marleigh loves helping with any sort of baking so she was right in there! My husband HATES bananas but LOVES this recipe!



Dinner Tonight: Taco Pasta Toss

This turned out really YUMMY! I made this for dinner tonite- Its an altered Rachael Ray recipe!! Check out what I made for dinner this evening!

Balancing Act.....

How do you equally balance what is important to you???

That is the question that runs through my mind every.single.day.

I find it hard to balance being a mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister and not lose myself in the mean time. Is it even possible to juggle it all?

Since becoming a mother three and a half years ago, Marleigh had been my number 1 priority ALWAYS. She is always number 1.. before my husband.. before my dreams.. before EVERYTHING. And now that 2 other rugrats have come along and take up 120 percent of my time 7 days a week, sometimes its easy to forget that I am also a wife. Maybe its because the little time Aaron and I do spend together is also with the kids in tow, so we chit chat while we are feeding, changing entertaining the kidlets. But we rarely get alone time.. unless we are sleeping..

All I can hope is that as the kids get older and become more independent we will have more time to connect with eachother on a more 'couple' level. But right now its easy to forget that we were once crazy about eachother.

Lately, I catch my reflection in a mirror and cant help but think outloud... 'WHO ARE YOU???'

I feel almost unrecognizable to myself, with the twin pregnancy I gained almost 40 pounds! *YIKES*, my once makeup covered face is replaced with bags under my eyes, frown lines and neglected eyebrows... Iam only 25 but I know *and feel* that having these twins and a 3 and a half year old is aging me very rapidly. I havent found my first grey hair yet.. but I know that nasty little bugger is gonna poke up any day now... And Im gonna blame  .. DORA!.. yes!.. DORA... and you too boots.. if I have to hear.. ' Dora dora dora the explorer.. grab your backpack lets go..." Im gonna lose my shit!!!!!

Oh boy do I miss playing with my makeup.... my favorite past time... I could sit forever in front of a mirror trying new products or application techniques. But I havent had time for that in MONTHS.. atleast since we moved to Calgary from Ontario in January. I miss it so much!! If Im lucky I put makeup on once every few weeks. Even if Im going out to the store *I used to happily put on a full face of makeup to go to walmart* I now just simply dont have time to apply it in the midst of putting two babies in carseats, making sure I have packed enough wipes, diapers, bottles, a snack and drink for the oldest and dont forget the list!

Its a miracle I remember to brush my teeth everyday.....

Im not sure if its possible to balance family and friends and relationships and dreams at this point... currently the kids are rotting my brain. Hopefully I recover soon....

What have I gotten myself into....

SO, today is the day I have decided to start a blog.

Why you ask???

2 reasons... I want to be able to reach out to other mothers of multiples especially new ones, who feel like they are running around like a chicken with their heads cut off, and feel like no one understands what you are going through, and on some days, not even your own partner.. believe me.. I HAVE BEEN THERE!
I also want to be able to give 'Outsiders' AKA anyone who does not have multiples, a glimpse into what life is like with infant multiples and a 3 1/2 year old.

Please stay tuned! In the near future I will be sharing our story of how we became a family of 5 and how we discovered we were expecting TWINS!